“Marriage/engagement should never be thought of unless there is first a genuine and rational attachment. No cold calculations of profit or loss, no hereditary estates or other adventitious circumstances, though they were equivalent to a peerage, or a realm, should ever, for one moment, even in thought, be substituted for love.”
— William A. Alcott, “A Young Man’s Guide,” 1836
Me and my roommate were talking today about how it seems as if all of our friends are either married, engaged, pregnant, or already parents. Now it's very possible that I'm just cynical and/or maybe I'm subconsciously jealous, but if you ask me we're all just too young and/or immature. My group of friends is roughly about 23-26 years old. I realize that mid-twenties is typically when a lot of people take that leap. But being a 23 year old, I know that I'm too young and nowhere near mature enough to be making those kinds of life altering decisions. Of course, maybe it is just me, but I highly doubt that. I think in this day and age kids, yes I just called us kids, are so desperately wanting to be looked at and thought of as adults, and what better way to do that than to get married and/or knocked up? I'm sorry, but if that's the reaction you were looking for, you were wrong. I see a desperate, silly, delusional, irresponsible child.
The United States ranks #1 in the world for having the highest divorce rate. The national divorce rate is about 50%, and people between the ages of 25-39 make up 60% of all divorces. That information alone should make some people take a second look at their decisions.
People are so eager to jump into marriage and/or having children without taking a look at the possible outcomes and the effects it could have on themselves and others.
Now, I'm not saying I'm one to be admired when it comes to relationships because Lord knows I've chosen some real losers, but unlike most people these days I actually value marriage. I do not believe in divorce unless cheating or abuse take place. In my mind, of those 2 things occur, I'm not the one who broke the vows, they are, in which case making it "legal" in God's eyes. Marriage is until death do you part. Not until you're sick of each other or realize you made a mistake. I personally have a 5 year rule. I will NOT marry someone I haven't dated for a minimum of 5 years and I definitely will NOT bear their children until after a wedding has taken place. You don't actually know a person, inside and out, after merely a year and a half, or even two years. I've been in a long relationship, and after dating him for nearly 3 years, and being friends for 10, I still find that I don't know everything there is to know about him. Mind you, we never lived together, which I find to be an important step to take before marriage. It takes a long time before someone truly and fully allows themself to be their whole self in front of someone. We all have little habits that may be just too much for your partner to handle.
I just think that nobody values marriage like they should. People mistake their strong feelings of lust, attachment, and yes, sometimes love, for "the real thing". Ever consider the saying, "sometimes love isn't enough"? Those are some wise words everyone really needs to consider.